The newfangled seven sins

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By Adrian Pascua

(Vanessa Soto)

By Adrian Pascua

Not recycling is grounds for eternal damnation.

The seven original deadly sins that have been around for over 2,000 years have been ruled as having a “rather individualistic dimension,” according to Monsignor Gianfranco Girotti, head of the Apostolic Penitentiary.

The Vatican has decided to update that list in accordance to the 21st century.

Global warming has now become a major issue. The Vatican thought it was their duty to God to help fight pollution, but it doesn’t stop there, it gets better.

Genetic modifications or cloning have always been a no-no to the Catholic Church, but this little update has just made it more official.

This could possibly mean that advances in sciences that could save lives would be shunned by those it would save.

The Vatican looks down upon cloning and genetic modifications mainly because of the fact that they feel that life can only be created by God.

Cloning causes man to act as God, giving him the ability to create new life on his whim.

Just so you guys know, some Catholics also believe that clones don’t have a soul.

Experimenting on humans has also made the list of the sins of the 21st century.

It was too bad that the Vatican of today wasn’t able to help those who were Jewish during the Second World War.

Things like stem cell research and abortion are now also official sins, just to help the fact that the Catholic Church have always been against both anyway.

Those who are the cause of social justice are now also damned, looks like Fidel Castro just got damned.

Which is weird especially since the church is against same sex marriage and homosexual relations and even use the Bible as a defense as why it should never happen.

Not to mention that little thing called the 100 Year War, which killed off a lot of Muslims during the 12th century.

Now Bill Gates doesn’t have a hope, because now causing poverty and becoming insanely wealthy are now both sins.

In summary to that, every oil tycoon and major petroleum producing company … never had a prayer.

I just really hope it causes them to lower the gas prices, because they’re all already obscenely wealthy and are the greatest aid to pollution.

Still big business like these aren’t exactly god fearing.

Get well soon, because taking drugs and dealing drugs are now a sin. I don’t think I need to even explain that one.

Up until this century, the seven deadly sins were as follows: lust, pride, greed, envy, sloth, gluttony and anger.

With the addition of those mentioned above, the new sins seem to give the Vatican right to damn most of the world and themselves.

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