by Jeianne Baniqued
It’s complicated. I believe that’s a statement almost everyone in a relationship or some form of it has made in their lifetime.
Why does this statement follow us as if it were our own shadow? Why is it always “it’s complicated” rather than the preferred “it’s simple”?
In an ideal world, we would be guaranteed love. There’d be someone out there for everyone and they would be the perfect match for each other. But in reality, the dominating expression out there is that there’s plenty of fish in the sea, making the idea of finding “The One” and knowing that for certain, close to impossible.
It’s no secret that marriage rates have been on the decline for decades. Census data cited in a 2014 study by the Pew Research Center show that the number of married households fell to 50.5 percent in 2012 from a high of about 72 percent in 1960.
With each new generation and all of its innovations in tow, more options manifest. We’re living in a world of social media, online dating websites, and the sexual revolution embracing the liberation of women and not tabooing it.
I’m not saying that’s a bad thing. If everything stayed the same, we’d be in a constant state of limbo–never moving forward. But with these innovations, consequences are in tow as well.
With more options, the labels “single” and “taken” are now being joined by “We’re just talking”, “Oh, it’s an open relationship”, “I’m not seeing anyone else, but we’re not exclusive”, and “We’re not putting a label on it.” Facebook even gives us the option of “It’s complicated” for our relationship status.
People who find themselves in a complicated relationship or those who observe these complexities start to ask themselves where has simplicity gone. No matter how many times we ask why people indulge in the torment of complex relationships, we tend to overlook that it’s not the relationship itself that’s complicated. It’s the individuals who contribute to the complication.
We go on wondering what we want in a relationship, or if we even want one.
We never know what we want.
We’re all complicated.
Are we or are we not human?
As we grow older and gain more experiences, simplicity takes a back seat and we suddenly see complexity at the wheel driving us–guiding us to expand our knowledge and change our wants. With that, we have a more complex understanding of the world.
Yes, the word complicated and the idea alone is repetitive, but it’s inevitable in every aspect of our lives, relationships especially.
Embrace the inevitable.
We have no control over the morals other people have and we can’t dictate how they should live their lives.
For instance, when one finds their self in a situation such as not being able to be with the person they want for whatever reason, they attempt to find some magical solution they think exists to simplify things. They see potential and strive to make it capable. They hope that person who came into their life is here for a lifetime, and not just for a reason or a fleeting season. That is when they must step back and let life and time step in.
We have no control over these roller coasters we call relationships. However, we do have control over choosing which ones to deal with.
There are complications we choose to close the door on while we’re still in the eye of the storm, and there are ones we choose to stick with to fight for that silver lining.